Everybody in Ferguson wants answers.
Everybody wants answers about Ferguson. It must be human nature to put things in a box and tie a bow around it. That’s not going to happen here. When I first arrived in North St. Louis County last Monday morning, I saw guns and fear staring back from the line of police officers. It was 3 a.m. and the super moon was shining down on us. The riots of the night before were new territory for most of the cops, definitely for me. I noticed a black man standing nearby, who appeared to be a civilian, tenderly raising his hands as he approached the barricade. My photographer, also an African-American, hung back closer to our news vehicle while I approached the uniformed group of men I subconsciously viewed as protectors. I was reminded in that moment that not everyone in our country gets to grow up feeling the same way. Since that morning I’ve learned a lot about Michael Brown and a lot about race in the city I call home. The atmosphere in Ferguson has varied so much in that time. Sometimes right before my eyes on the QuikTrip parking lot, other times in dramatic fashion as the sun goes down and a small group of unruly protestors clash with police. Each person I speak to has a slightly different reason for ending up there-- angry over the death of Michael Brown, weary of the injustices of poverty and race in America, curious and sad because their community has been forever altered. It has been difficult to witness and even harder to summarize in the 90 seconds we have for our live reports. I’ve heard so many people from other parts of St. Louis, the United States and now even the world, wondering the ‘why’ behind the unrest unfolding in Ferguson. I don’t have an easy answer. There isn’t a simple explanation or root cause of the ‘problem’. What I do know for sure is that there is no consensus. And there is no sense in grouping people together based on their color or location. In fact, that is unfair and lazy and a disservice to all involved. The points of view and perspective in the crowds in Ferguson vary greatly. Everyone sees our world with a different lens. Everyone wants a better, brighter future for the next generation. My request to you: be curious and insatiable in your consumption of information. Get it from many outlets and keep a healthy skepticism for all. Remember most of the journalists on the ground are working hard for the truth, far removed from the media monster pundits are so quick to vilify. But most of all, entertain the notion of empathy. I wish everyone could hear the way a young mom described her frustration that the QT burned down because now she has nowhere to buy milk for her baby in the middle of the night. I wish you could feel the anger and fatigue of a grandmother in Ferguson as she explained the conversation she still has with her now grown sons. “Take the ticket,” she tells them. “Never argue with police, always keep your hands visible because you could be shot and nothing done about it.” And yesterday, a woman and her young daughter, walking to the bus stop headed for kindergarten. She held back tears as she shared the lesson she isn’t prepared to teach…asking simply, “how do I explain racism to my little girl?” Maybe these accounts are far from your reality. Maybe you can't relate or don't fully believe or understand them. That's okay. Just remember that they are real for the people living in Ferguson and so many other places in the United States. This story is one that affects us all. As hard as it may be, don’t shy away from the tough conversations spurred by the death of a young black man. They will make us better and our communities stronger.
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Happy Friday, World Wide Web!
Sending good vibes for everyone out there who is especially ready for the weekend right now (myself included). I've been tired all week. I guess that's what a trip to Vegas will do to you! I've been trying to catch up but sometimes you just need a few days off. So the purpose of this post is to put it out there-- I'm really going to commit to writing here more consistently. I'm going for once a week. Don't want to jinx myself by saying that, but deadlines are good, right? The posts will be part-work life, part-personal, but all about what's going on in my corner of the world. I hope someone other than my mom will enjoy it... And speaking of my mom! I'd like to wish my parents a very Happy Anniversary today! Married in 1981, so that means 33 years together, standing by each other through the ups and the downs. My view of marriage has definitely evolved over the years, and I have so much respect for their relationship. They are the foundation of our family of six and I owe so much to them for the sacrifices they've made to provide for us. Prime example: catching these tasty trout so we don't go hungry. Can't thank you enough, Mom & Dad! Have a great weekend, everybody. -erau Last Tuesday I had a wonderful afternoon with my mom. I drove out to my hometown after work, and picked up lunch from my favorite Italian place on the way. Mom and I laughed at the kitchen table while we watched her new puppy, Ruby, chase her tail. I went to the dentist, then the DMV, and brought back cherry limeades. When my dad got home from work we chatted over a glass of wine before I went to bed. While I was enjoying a perfectly normal day, Hailey Owens was three hours away, doing the same thing. It was one of the first mild days Missouri had seen in months. Wearing blue jean shorts and purple sandals, she walked a few blocks down the street to play with her best friend. Except Hailey would never make it home that night. When I woke up around 1:30 Wednesday morning, I drove into work thinking about the Amber Alert I'd be covering that day. A little girl named Hailey was still missing, but her family was hopeful for her safe return. I did not know that day would turn into a 17 hour one; that I would learn of Hailey's death around 7 a.m. and leave for Springfield soon after. My photographer and I talked to neighbors who knew Hailey and police officers who wished they could have done more. After the evening newscast, we stopped at Wal-Mart to buy a toothbrush and a clean shirt before we headed for the hotel. The next day after the morning show, we got back on 44 and started the long drive home. I felt compelled to write along the way, and I've included that writing below. Tonight, a week after her murder, Hailey is still on my mind. And I'm still sending love to those who lost her. Thanks for reading, Emily Thursday 2.20.14
We're driving back from Springfield, surfing radio channels. Every time the static clears, there seems to be a DJ relaying the details of Hailey's case. It makes me sick every time, even though I've been absorbed in it for more than 24 hours now. I included some of the details from the probable cause statement in my report this morning. The smell of bleach in the basement, the ligature marks on Hailey's wrists, the plastic tote where police found her body--stacked under another container full of papers like it was a box of holiday decorations. It's all public record, but as soon as I finished the live report I regretted my words. I wished I could take them back and make them untrue. I thought of the moms and dads and kids eating breakfast-- what if they heard me and got scared to walk to the bus stop? Unfortunately it's not the worst we hear on the news. Keeping my composure has been tough. I especially struggled after reading an article in the Springfield paper this morning. Hailey's aunt, Erin, talked about her sweet niece. She told the reporter Hailey couldn't say her 'R's, so she called her 'Aunt Ewin'. How cute is that. This little girl with all her special things that made her unique, that made her Hailey, is gone forever. Taken in the most senseless way. Sometimes the hard part is that we get to leave these stories behind. I had a big breakfast with the photographers this morning on our way out of town, talking shop and laughing over French toast. I have Jimmy Fallon's Tonight Show debut waiting on my DVR to make me laugh. And tomorrow morning, I'll be reporting on power outages or public officials or the story of the day. But the story will never go away for Hailey's family. One of the pictures circulating among the media outlets shows Hailey, striking a dance pose in what looks like her bedroom. What is her mom supposed to do with that room? With the bed she was supposed to be tucked into Tuesday night, and Wednesday night, and tonight? It hurts my heart to think about. So much of this job is gathering facts, asking questions, looking for answers. In Hailey's case, the most important questions are the ones none of us can answer. They are the ones that make you angry and doubtful and profoundly sad. So for now I will do all I can. I will send love to Hailey and her family. And to the parents of the man accused of killing her. I won't think of how many lives have been ruined or how many hearts broken. I will wake up tomorrow and go to work. I will report on whatever story they ask me to. But I will be thinking of Hailey. I survived!! I made it to Friday after a week of waking up at 1:30 in the morning, woohoo!
Now that I got that out of my system...on to more important matters. This weekend marks the first time in my television career that I'll have Saturday/Sunday off. I've gone big time my friends. So here are a few observations from my first week on the new shift...hidden perks of working from 3-11 a.m., obvious obstacles to living a 'normal' life, and other ramblings of a sleep deprived reporter. - PERK: when you drive to work at 2:30, there's actually music playing! no annoying ads or radio hosts who talk for hours about a prank they pulled on an intern the week before. also, I hate when they do those ads that you think aren't ads at first until you realize they're peddling a weight loss pill or laser hair removal. If my calculations are correct, every radio DJ in St. Louis has been stick thin and completely bald from head to toe since at least 2006. - PIT: sitting in a live truck at 4 in the morning makes you a prime target for ALL the remaining mosquitoes in St. Louis. Special thanks to the blood sucker who got me in the arch of my foot Wednesday morning. The gift that keeps on itching. - PERK: you always beat the lunch crowd when you get to restaurant at 11. Winning. I got to check out Bogart's BBQ in Soulard this week as well as Magpie's in St. Charles. The BBQ was pretty amazing (I had the pulled rib sandwich..yummm) and Magpie's patio is one of the best on Main Street. - PIT: it's just realllly hard to care about what your hair looks like in the middle of the night. Pretty unfortunate when you have to appear on TV either way. Okay, that's all I've got for now. Hope you weren't expecting anything profound. Now I'm off to enjoy my weekend...by taking a nap immediately. Have a great weekend and thanks for reading! -em I've known this schedule change was coming for about a month. I wished for it for much longer than that. But no matter how much I tried to prepare myself, the 1:15 alarm yesterday morning was quite the rude awakening. This time last week I was working in the bureau. Trying to soak it up but very ready for a change. Now I'm sitting at home, forcing myself to write so I don't fall asleep and ruin any chance of a good night's rest. Morning show problems. I learned SO much in this space. Obviously a great majority of that wisdom came from pure osmosis...directly from my friends Chris Nagus, Scott Pelley and the Big Bang Theory cast. But the rest of my personal and professional growth was hard-fought and sometimes very frustrating. I also fully acknowledge that my experience on North Main is probably the first and last time I will work in a newsroom with nice new furniture and windows. I soaked up every inch of that natural light. Unfortunately I think I only spent 10 minutes total on that couch in the 14 months I worked there. What better way to wrap up a legacy of localized beat reporting than a trip to Forest Park for the Balloon Glow! Honestly, I was exhausted by Friday after the six. But I was committed to plans and realllly excited about the possibility of some quality fair food. Yes, the hot air balloons were pretty cool. The corn dog, however, was epic. I won't even torture you with a picture. I washed it down with a gallon of kettle corn, grease dribbling down my hand and wrist. It really was beautiful. Always something I've wanted to see, not to mention the sweet fireworks show at the end! I've never been so close before-- we literally watched them shoot off the ground. Any malfunctions and I would have taken a bottle rocket to the face. Looking back now, not such a good idea. That's what happens when you're in the midst of a corn dog coma. To my surprise, the next afternoon, I got to see the balloons again. This time from a very different vantage point. I was filling in on the nightside shift (my last weekend shift before I my Mon-Fri schedule kicks in!!), covering some Illinois highway closures. My photographer pointed out those weird looking UFOs floating over the skyline. I had Sunday and Monday off and attempted to relax before the big switch. Lots of anticipation and because I wasn't sure how to prepare, I decided to drive out to my hometown. Makes sense right? Only an hour and totally worth it. Even for the awesome yoga class I went to with my mom. Third floor of an old building, with the windows wide open and sunshine pouring in. I feel more zen just thinking about it. Before we went to lunch, we stopped by the city park to check out the Moving Wall-- really cool. It's a scaled replica (half the size) of the Vietnam Veterans Memorial. Very moving. A lot of people worked hard to bring it to Washington and I'm so glad I got to see it. Thousands and thousands of names, each who left behind a family wishing they could be together on every Christmas, birthday and special occasion. I just realized that the title of this post suggests a recap of first week on the morning show and I technically still haven't gotten there. My apologies. I blame the sleep deprivation even though it's only been two days.
Anywayyy...Tuesday morning arrived VERY quickly. I was actually pretty awake that day and excited for the new adventure. I'm still working on getting a desk in the downtown newsroom, but everything else (minus exhaustion) has been great. I've really enjoyed working with the morning team in the past, and this week has been no different. It takes a patient group of people to come to work between 12 and three every day and I'm lucky to be working with them. Two more days...no naps so far. My sleepy tea has helped and my morning show friends say melatonin is a lifesaver. I will report back. For now I'm off to run errands and pinch myself to stay awake until 5 o'clock rolls around. Ah, the glamorous life of TV! It's the social media story of the moment. The hand-to-forehead, isn't-she-stupid, jokes-on-them anecdote of the day.
A local news reporter, like me, fired for sharing a little too much of her behind the scenes perspective on her personal blog, like this one. (Read the details here, if you're catching up.) I just read a few dozen of the comments on her actual blog post--ugh. I'm not going there. I almost just deleted this draft and my idea to write it altogether based on the way people fire off extreme and hurtful comments that steer the conversation straight to the town of Useless (an actual city in Missouri, by the way). But I also think it's worth a constructive discussion. Because we all have thoughts like Shea Allen's. I saw it the other day when I was paying the McDonald's cashier for my coke and bag of fries (no judging, it was delicious). The girls in the window were rolling their eyes at the customer who'd just asked them to repeat their McNugget order for the 8th time. I see and hear it often with my teacher friends, my doctor friends, and every other field friends. And I see it in myself. Heck, I work out of a bureau and spend a great majority of of the day alone. Sometimes I feel like Tom Hanks in Castaway, talking to my dang tripod like he--I mean it-- is Wilson. Trust me, I know a thing or two about the tendency toward snarky that Shea refers to. And working in television news is an especially weird and maddening animal. Reporters slip in and out of a lot of different worlds and meet all the characters who come with them. Tuesday I spent half the day at a Casey's General Store parking lot and the afternoon in a cardiac cath lab. You can imagine the range of people. And for the record, real people say crazier, funnier things than any Hollywood comedy writer could come up with. But that's just it...all those people are a privilege. The young, the old, the rich, the poor and everyone in between. They are our privilege to know as reporters and journalists. I think that's what Shea lost sight of it. We all talk and laugh and tease among friends, no matter the career field. Sometimes it's just a means of survival. But the thing about being a public figure, and more importantly, a 'watchdog of society' as I believe she called herself, is that we have a responsibility to respect the people whose stories we share. And that means putting that duty above all the truly crazy nuances of tv news. She failed to do that. The people we aim to protect have to take priority over the way we attempt to look decent on camera, and the frustrating workflow, and the stories we don't particularly love to cover. I by no means intend to sound smug here. Because like I've said-- I've been there, to some degree. I stand up straight to look better on tv, sometimes I wish I had time to take naps on the bureau couch (kidding, of course), and unlike Shea, old people are my favorite, but there are some stories I really don't like to cover. Example- the ones that require me to ask random people on the street for their opinions...I'm shy and it's not in my nature to interrupt people so I find those days extra challenging. But whenever I'm tempted to tweet a funny line or did-that-just-happen experience, I think about a story from my childhood. I was too young to remember but I've heard it a million times from my mom and dad. I was with my family at a restaurant when my very cute toddler of a brother tapped a woman on the shoulder in the booth behind us. As matter a fact as he could be, Matty asked the kind, smiling woman, "Why are you so fat?" Classic. Being the older and wiser sister I thought I was, I quickly corrected him, sternly saying, "you can think it, but you can't say it." I'm not sure where my 5 or 6 year-old self got the line, but it's served me very well ever since, and especially in my short television career. And although Shea has every first amendment right in the world to shout the things she said from the rooftops, that doesn't make it the right thing to do. So I will extend those words of wisdom again, and say, Shea: You can think it but you can't say it. Because we all think it sometimes, but as long as we're in this business- with its low pay and long winded interviewees and unnecessary live shots- respect must take precedence over satire...or whatever it is you were going for. Alright, the time has come. Wedding Week is here.
Four days away and I dont' know what to do with myself! I just finished up my last day of work for the week and now it's truly a race to the finish, as one of my good friends likes to say. Just a short excerpt from my to-do list: - pick up bridesmaid dress (hope it fits) - write Maid of Honor speech (hope it doesn't suck) - print 'I Spy' cards for the reception (have you heard of this idea?) - pick up wedding gift - help with flowers & decorations, try not to freak out, get excited, find a way not to sweat to death in the heat, etc. So that's what i'm off to do right now! I also made some updates to the blog. No more video from Virginia! Hope you like it. Let me know what you think. Thanks for reading, em ...and it's only the 17th! Whew. But I'm currently sitting across the kitchen table from my sister, who's in town for our brothers' graduation, so I'm feeling better already. This guy also makes me feel better! Another sibling, this time the little brother Matt. We had a fun little lunch in Tower Grove a few weeks ago and I can't wait to see him tomorrow! Yay for passing Spanish, Matty! :-) Congrats on being a college graduate. I've been attempting to make some yummy smoothies lately and for the most part, I've given up. The ingredients on the left looked promising, but turned out to be a chalky, slimy banana flavored batch of baby food. Yuck. I am determined to try again though, with a few adjustments. Meg will have no choice but to be my guinea pig in the morning before we head to Columbia. New and improved recipe: - more spinach, a little less protein powder - banana...this time frozen (pro tip: peel before freezing. made this mistake last week) - more frozen fruit and ice - almond or regular milk, whatever I'm feeling Any other magic ingredients I'm missing?? Help a sister out. I need it. I mentioned in my last post that this month is full of work and wedding stuff. That's been pretty darn accurate, but I'm okay with it. Cody's big day is SO close and it's really fun to see everything coming together. My bridesmaid dress needs some work and she and I both need some sun-safe, tan-line-free bronzing solutions, but that's another issue. Other than that I think things are almost ready! The bridal showers have been wonderful. I Her first one was on Cinco de Mayo-- that means delicious margaritas and shiny new appliances-- what could be better! I love the two families coming together and letting me tag along for it. And on that note, I'll leave you with a shot of Cody's mom and grandma.
Sometimes in high school, I'd tag along with Cody to hang out with Helen (and get candy!). She's always had this amazing, light hearted spirit and sense of humor...it's so special that she's been able to be part of these days. Have a great weekend and thanks for reading! em Is it May? When did that happen!? May means a few things for this girl: a. Sweeeeeeps. AKA 'The Book' AKA TV ratings time. A-game all the time, no time off and high intensity at work. b. Wedding Shower Season! Official countdown = less than 2 months until my best friend's wedding! c. OK, that's really all there is. Work/Wedding/Work/Wedding. Now that I think about it, that's kind of what April was all about too. Exhibit A: A few weeks ago I was feverishly addressing wedding shower invites so I could get them out in time for people to RSVP (which only 8% of people do, for the record). I was startled by a loud crack of thunder and messed one of them up-- which should have been a sign. A short time later I got the call. Tornadoes touched down in the STL area. Time for me to go into work. Heavy sigh. Cue the 16 hour work day with ZERO sleep. To sum it up, my contact lenses were not happy with me. Really though, it's days and events like this that I think TV news does its best work. It's one of my favorite times to be a reporter. Hearing the stories of survival and how the community comes together is always very humbling for me, and it's neat to be a part of. The media 'frenzy' is also a sight to see. The picture above shows the crowd around Governor Nixon when he visited Hazelwood, the hardest hit area. The ladies below are employees of the Hazelwood School District. I got to go back on the first Saturday after the storm and follow them around as they went door-to-door checking in and helping families. The outreach effort from the district was really impressive. Inspiring to see how people emerge after tough times to help each other out. And I loved the sign in the shot below. We saw a few of them throughout the neighborhood. It really is something to see how much people care...and the gratitude from those on the receiving end-- equally awesome!
On a regular day you might watch a newscast and think there's a whole lot of bad going on. But Mr. Rogers' mom was right...there are always helpers. Thanks for reading! em Oh hey, it's me again, that girl who promised to blog more and didn't. Oops. Truthfully I've been feeling a bit like Bridget the dog lately. Covering my eyes, keeping my head down until spring arrives. Maybe by the time the 12 inches of snow outside my window completely melts, my bad attitude will have disappeared along with it. That makes sense right? :-) I always try to keep things positive, and sometimes it's hard to write when I'm not exactly feeling that way. But I have a hunch there's a few people out there who might know what I'm talking about, so we might as well start the countdown to sunny days (and spirits) together! I'm hanging in there and hope you are too (if you're blissfully happy right now, disregard this post and go pat yourself on the back somewhere). For the rest of you, remember these words of wisdom, courtesy of my 'Honest Kids' juice pouch, and don't forget to smile! Here are some posts I'm working on and can't wait to share-
1. St. Pat's Day Run --- 5 miles!! Yay!! 2. KC Snowstorm --- So. Over. Snow. 3. Bittersweet visit from my big sis I'll be writing...hold me to it! Thanks for reading, em |