Do you know that feeling when you do something you didn't think you ever could or would? When you find yourself in a situation that surprises you because you never entertained the thought of being in it? I love it. I'm starting to think that most of what people do is in search of those authentic moments...the ones when we are at the same time completely separate from ourselves, but also as close to the real sense of who we are as we'll ever be.
I've been having more of those moments lately, and I kinda like it. Embracing life as a college grad and the free time that comes with it, I've been able to do more of what I've always tried to make time for. Example...exercising. I've never been the type to enjoy it, but I've always dreamed of being the runner that my body refuses to let me be (not because of bad knees or asthmas...just bad will power and a case of procrastination that an inhaler just won't fix). BUT...I'm trying. The other day I ran an entire minute longer than what I previously thought would be the point of my face hitting the pavement as I pass out. It was awesome. The night before I had been chatting with my dad about the long lists of successful marathons that I will surely complete in my next life and when I said, dreamily, 'maybe someday', he actually laughed. Out loud. And let me tell you, that's not a common occurrence for Dr. Serious. He didn't mean it in a bad way at all, but it made my extra minute of torture that much closer to bliss. I stepped outside of both his and my expectations for myself and oh what a feeling!
On a sad note, those are the kind of moments that I know some people never get enough of. I wish with all my heart that I could have shared one with an old friend who took his life this week. One of the sweetest people I've ever met who had so much to give. But that's another reason why I'm going to keep chasing them. I'm thinking of it as my de-yolking process. I've been in this strange place of being in the middle of everything lately. With my family, that's the standard...as the middle child and master mediator, let's just say this (goose) egg is cooked. But it's also in my career and my mindset...lots of tangents but no clear destination at the end of the flow chart. So, I'm going to keep working on it. Slowly but surely, and thanks in part to the generous support of my parents, I'm going to extract myself from the middle of my cozy comfort zone and have more of those great little Boyd Huppert, 'life's truths' moments. In the process I may even lift the yoke that seems to be growing heavy around my neck. And if I don't succeed then I guess I'll know I've officially turned into yolked yocal. :)